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[Jul. 19th, 2008|09:37 pm] |
Okay mum, you're the best. You're really just awesome. Really. I've really given up on this home, this dying relationship between us. This time, I want it my way for once. I hate doing what you want me t do. This time, it's my life No longer yours. i keep trying, trying t be reasonable. Trying t be the best daughter I could possibly be. But I can't anymore, cause you've pushed me off the edge. Do you know how much I fucking hate this? The rules that I have t obey, the things that I have t do t make you happy. I absolutely fucking hate it. And you don't even see it. I'm tired of having a crufew. I go out at 2, and you expect me home by 7? I don't drive you know, I'm not like you. I take the fucking public transport, but I have t resort t cabbing home just cause I wanna stay out a little longer with my friends. You don't care that I take about 3 hours t travel t and from, and you don't give a shit that we live at the most unaccessible part of Jurong. I don't wanna have t cancel dates just cause you're PMSing and won't let me out of the house. I went out at 2 today, and I was supposed t be home by 8. B's mum bought dinner for B, T and I and I felt so bad so I called you t extend my curfew. But you throw a fucking tantrum at me. You cancel the movie just cause you're fucking PMSing. Just cause you're angry with him, does not mean you can vent it on me. When I reach home at 930, which I told you I'd get home by, you start screaming at me, for being ungrateful, for taking advantage of you. Inside I'm screaming, "Fuck off. You're fucking unreasonable." But instead I just put down my stuff and shove you the cupcakes I made for you. The ones that said, I <3 You, Mum. Then I just walk into my room, close the door. And cry. I cry not because you're being unreasonable. I am actually used t it. But I'm crying cause I can't take it anymore. I try my hardest t make you happy. Yet you just fuck my day. Today you just fucked my week. I hope you're happy, cause I certainly am not.
During training today, I popped my shoulder for the umpteenth time. It's crazy. One day I need t go for a shoulder replacement.
Yesterday was 13th month. And we fought over the stupidest thing.
Yesterday, I fought with a friend. We were in St Andrew's Cathedral for the Student Council Commendation, and halfway through a hymn, which you're supposed t stand throughout, she sat down. The girls behind us shot her disapproving looks, I mean, they have the right t, don't they? It's like an outright disrespect for someone else's religion and practice. So I told her t stand, but she refused t. So I pinched her t make her stand. But then she started complaining and whining and shit. So I said it t her face, you're so childish, I mean, c'mon, have some respect. And she got pissed. Well, so did I, and I blew. So I texted her, in a moment of folly, "You're so annoying, I don't wanna talk t you." And she replied that she felt the same. Was it wrong for me tell her t do the right thing? True, I should not have pinched her, but she wouldn't stand. What was I supposed t do?
This week is fucked up. Fucking fucked up. Why is it when sometimes goes wrong, everything has t go wrong? Right now I'm more alone than ever. Where are you when I need you the most? |
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calm
very thirsty
hungry